#21 End year review
What do you see if you look at yourself in the mirror?
For years, November meant the start of the End of the Year reviews. When I wasn’t a manager, it was the moment to gather all the feedback from people I’d worked with and reflect on their comments and opinions. It was also the moment to sit down, away from all the office noise, and prepare myself for the psychological battle: had it been a good year? Had I done what I was supposed to do? And, best of all, where am I going from here? Where is this taking me?
I only learned to do this, all the thinking, planning, and preparing in my third year of working. The first two had been too hectic even to know what I was doing, but in that third, I had started what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be. I had it clear that I did not want to be the company's boss, but I was sure about wanting to be good at something— Even now, so many years later, that’s the mantra: “Do your best.” So, around my third year in the Company, I decided I wanted to change jobs, and I had to create a plan. I returned to university, worked full time, did overtime whenever needed, and kept smiling every day. Still, my end-of-year review was good as usual but not extraordinary that year. I was making an extra effort, but my manager did not see a difference. After all, whatever I was studying was unrelated to my position then, and he did not care much about my dreams of moving somewhere else. I moved out of that department later, but I always had the sensation things could have been easier if I had had more support from my managers… So, that’s the question: should your manager help you to move out to a better position?
I understand both positions. Some people might say that a manager has to care about their team and secure resources to get the work done, and others who have a more “people-oriented” view will say that motivation is as important as a skillset. If a person is miserable doing the job, is it really a good fit for the team?
Many years later, when I was a people manager, I was in the position to evaluate people who wanted something else, who liked their jobs but dreamed of a better one. Throughout the years, I let go of the most senior of my guys because you cannot stop the pursuit of happiness (that’s just cruel, and I’m not in that game); I offered myself to help someone else look for another job when the person tried to force me to give a promotion, “or else” (that one was hilarious: “I will leave if you don’t pay me more,“ said the guy. “Who do I have to call for you to have an interview?” I replied.) I’ve trained colleagues even when the training plans were not approved officially to get them ready to grab the opportunities that might appear (and they did appear, and they were prepared!)
As a people manager, I viewed the end-of-year review as the moment to look in the mirror and the time to help others do the same. It’s uncomfortable for everyone, but it has to be done. We don’t evolve by doing the same thing our whole lives. We have to face things we don’t like and that make us uncomfortable so we can learn to overcome our fears and challenges.
This year, I’ve been team-less. I’ve been my own manager, the one to hold the whip and the cookies. I had to tell myself every day I could do it because there was no one else who could (or should) do it. I was responsible for my training plan, the budget, and the hours management. I’ve been the one contacting partners, developing work plans, and taking care of the catering in the office (aka. my living room). Yesterday, I sent a new correction of my manuscript to my editor. I am a month away from freezing the content of my book and restarting the querying process— which should be known as the love letter writing to complete strangers who, eventually, could change my life. Has it been perfect? No. Have I done all I could do? Not sure. Do I have a plan for next year? I’m working on it.
This November is not so different. I’m preparing my review.
